Loving someone with PCOS

Facebook can be a blessing or a curse. You can find anything on it, funny videos, cute videos, poems, quotes, recipes, clothing, friends, family, you can even find heart break on it. Sometimes if you are lucky you can find articles that can change how you feel and think.

Since you all know I have PCOS, something you don’t know is that it’s been really hard for me to come out and say it, it’s hard for me to even talk about it. I am getting better, with support from my family, some friends, and a community I found on Facebook. It’s hard to talk about it because of everything I’m dealing with, all the side effect, the fact that I may or may not be able to have children. The fact that if/when I do find a boyfriend or fall in love what will the guy think, will he find me unattractive, will he stick around, will he love me even when he realizes all my side effects. Will he want to be with me knowing all of this?

Dealing with these things going through my mind the past couple of months, I came across an article on Facebook by Thought Catalog. It’s about loving a women with PCOS. It talks about all of my insecurities and what the guy will have to do and deal with. Reading the article was like I wrote it. It felt like it was me talking. This article was exactly what I needed to read, and I’ll be seeing if my boyfriend will read it also.

I attached the article below. I suggest giving it a read or sharing it.

Loving a women with PCOS

Top 7 relationship goals

At its most basic, a relationship goal is an ideal, lesson, value or experience to aim for in your intimate partner relationship. Instead of being unattainable, it should be inspirational. Relationship goals are best viewed as a loose guideline on how to best give and receive love in your relationship, nothing more and nothing less. Just because you don’t have matching Bentleys, doesn’t mean you can’t be besties!

Here you go..

Being able to go a few days without seeing each other and not feeling totally freaked out about it.

Hearing your BF’s phone go off and not feeling the immediate urge to look at it.

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Getting into a fight and realizing that fight doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to break up.

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Going out with your friends and not being bombarded by texts from him asking what you’re doing.

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Hanging out but just sitting next to each other doing your own thing and feeling comfortable.

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Leaving your phone laying around because you know he/she isn’t going to go through it.

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Being able to tell bae you think someone else is cute without them freaking out and vice versa.

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Finding TV shows you binge watch together instead of going out.

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Break Up With Your Past

When is enough enough? When should you forget the past & move on. I’m not just talking about the past 5 months, 3 years or even 6 years. I’m talking about the past 10/20 years! When should you forget what that person did in middle school or high school, the so called friends, the guy who you thought wouldn’t break you, how you were treated, what happened & what you went through.

As you can probably tell my life hasn’t really been the easiest, but I wouldn’t trade it. All of the experiences I’ve had has shaped me to who I am today. It’s made me this strong amazing person. But I’ve had my ups & downs just like everyone else.

But when is it time to break up with your past, to forget what happened & forgive/forget the people who hurt you? When is it time to not judge someone you knew in high school by who they hung out with & the jokes they used to play on you. I still remember walking down the hall & getting made fun of (ways I’m not ready to tell). Telling myself not to let them see me cry, it will only fuel them.

But, should be we just move on. Forgive them because they were young & immature? Hope they actually did change? Be nice, because let’s face it, that’s who you are. You are the nice one with the big heart who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.

Forgive the guy who broke your heart, because he taught you not to trust everyone who says nice things to you. Forgive him because even after all the lies, he taught you things about yourself you didn’t know. Forgive the friend(s) who stabbed you in the back multiple times because it was just fun for them.

I believe that no matter what, these things will always stay with you. However, you need to move on, because it’s healthy for you. You need to see them as lessons, take something away from what happened, & grow. No one is ever going to be 100% honest with you. People are dishonest & will do things to either make them look good or tell you what they think you want to hear. You have to be confident in yourself to move on from toxic situations/people.

It’s time. It’s time to move on & break up with your past. It’s just that, your past. You need to look forward to the future. Bury the past and keep it there. It’s only going to hurt you more. It’s hard, trust me I know. But it’s necessary.

~SVD

Dating vs Relationship

To date or to be in a relationship is the question.

With dating you can date whomever you want, you can have fun,, dating is supposed to be easy & carefree. The butterflies, the what if questions, how will it go, will he/won’t he kiss me. Meeting new people and going to new places. Maybe finding someone you can go on more dates with, have fun with and maybe build something.

But then on the other side of it, being in a relationship, you will always have that consent, that person  who will be there for you. You will have that special someone that you can talk to about anything. Maybe fall in love, get married and have a life together. But, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine though. It’s hard work, but it will be worth it with the right person.

So the question is When is it time to move from just dating to actually being in a relationship or when is it time to stop dating in general and find someone to be in a relationship with? Is there a protocol for this?

I hate to admit this but I’ve only been in maybe two relationships. The last one I was in, it felt so easy and the chemistry we had was so quick. The first night we meet, it was fun, he was sweet, and made me laugh. We spent till 1am together, talking and kissing. The chemistry was crazy. It was something I’ve never felt before. But he was so quick to turn dating into more. I always thought it was a couple of weeks or months before you make it ‘official’. He was so quick to make it official, that I think I got nervous because I didn’t want to jump into anything. I didn’t want to get into something and make a mistake. But that could also be the Gemini talking! lol.

It’s fun to be chased and wined and dined. Both are very compelling, both have a lot to offer, ups and downs, good and bad. Dating you are tied down, you are free to date whomever you want, do whatever you want and not worry about making someone mad by your decisions. But with a relationship, you have a partner in crime. You have someone you can trust, and be yourself with. You don’t have to keep getting to know someone, have to keep going on that first date.

It really bottles down to what you want, what is best for you. You can stay single for however long you want, if it makes you happy than have fun. However, you can find someone who makes you happy long enough to be in a relationship. Because lets face it, just being in a relationship isn’t set in stone.

Best of luck!

~xoxo SVD

Letting Go & Moving on with Grace

When you enter into a relationship you never think about it ending. All you are thinking about is how much fun you are having, how much the other person makes you happy & how much you might end up loving them. It can sometimes be a shock when they do end, well for most people. We never think of the expiration date attached to the relationship. 

 So when it does end, how, do we move on with grace, & how do we let go of the past & move forward. Everyone seems to think that it’s a week of ‘grieving’ per month. I think it’s all depends on the impact the other person had on your life is how you figure out how long you need to grieve. My last relationship we were only together for about 2-3 months. But the impact he had on me was such a big one. I fell for him, fast and hard. He broke down my walls pretty quickly & the chemistry we had (whether he felt it or not), was something I never felt before. To this day, I still am ‘grieving’ what we had. 

 Moving on with grace is hard, you might have to follow some steps to make it work. I found this article by my favorite online magazine, Thought Catalog. The article is called The 7-Step Plan To Get Over Someone And Move On With Your Life. After reading this article I would have to agree with some of the steps. So the steps they have are; No Contact, Remove Mementos, Create Lots Of Distractions, Vent, Shut Up, Be Kind And Optimistic, & Stay Strong And Repeat. 

So let’s go through the steps. Definitely do not contact the other person at all. If you contact them then you keep opening yourself up, you keep opening the wounds. That is something you should not do if you are trying to move on. Delete everything, phone number, pictures, remove/block from social media, etc… 

 With me, creating distractions was something I needed to do. Did it work, yes & no. It worked sometimes but not all time. I had moments where I just went out to a brewery or a bar/restaurant to distract myself from what was going on. It had taken its toll on me, so I just started this blog more. I wrote more on it to let it out and I spent more time with family. 

I continue to VENT! Lol. Even know I’m still venting about it. But you need to understand who you should & shouldn’t vent to. Some people will say they are there for you, but then they aren’t. But if you are going to really vent, what I learned to do was vent through this blog or a journal. Venting can really help and it can make a difference. 

 I don’t agree with the shut up one, only because why should you, why should you stop talking about it. Whatever you are going through someone might be going through something similar & it could help them. Maybe not talk so much about it to certain people. You need to pick the people that have your best interest in heart. Which can be difficult. But all I can say about this is listen to yourself. 

The last two I think are the most important on moving on with grace after a relationship ends. Staying strong is key, you need to stay strong from the moment it ends. If you can’t stay strong than you should be optimistic that things will get better. I have moments when I’m weak, & all I wanted to do is hide away &never get out. But I knew (and still know) that someone better is going to come along, & you have to do the same. You never want to stoop to that level of being negative & rude. You should always be kind, be optimistic & stay strong, no matter what. 

 So many things go on in someone’s head & heart when a relationship ends. But finding things to focus on, dealing with the pain, being strong & optimistic as well as removing things that remind you of him. It will hurt and it does take time. But dealing with the pain will help make you feel a tad better. I promise you that moving on with grace is what everyone ends up doing. You just need to be strong and brave for as long as you can. Even if you have to fake it for a bit. Time will heal the pain & so will you being who you are. Don’t disappear. 

Good luck & take your time with moving on & that will be graceful!

Dating, definitely NOT easy!!

Dating is supposed to be fun, easy, and exciting. It’s supposed to be exhilarating, you should be able to relax and have fun. But dating, is definitely NOT easy! It’s hard and difficult. It’s sweating, nervousness, stomach aches, it’s wondering if he will kiss you or not at the end of the date, it’s wondering if he will be a gentleman, will he pay, will he be a jerk, or will he not be who he said he was.

Dating stinks, and so many bad first date stories are out there, talking amongst friends over a beer or cocktail. It’s girls sticking together through everything, it’s getting back out there and not hiding under your blankets and eating ice cream while watching a romcom! Dating is about taking chances and seeing if you find someone who you can ‘mesh’ well together.

Funny thing about me is that while dating, I don’t call the guy by his real name. I give them all nicknames (well at least my friends only know them by nicknames). They don’t get a real name until I know they won’t hurt me, or if they are going to stick around, or they are not d*bags.

I feel like I’ve been dating for a decade! But in reality it’s only been about 5-6 years. Within those years, I’ve had so many first dates, I’ve met so many guys for coffee or a drink (not considered a date), I’ve been on so many dating sites it’s absolutely insane in what I’ve been through and seen/heard from guys.

So, after dating for 5-6 years and finally meeting someone who you think is going to last longer than a couple of dates, and have him turn your world upside down, you fall for him, you find out things that you don’t want to believe, everyone is telling you what to do, but no one is asking what I want to do. When your heart is braking and you can’t talk to him or see him, it just makes it worse.

You need to move on, you need to figure out your life, move forward and pray one day, you will find someone who cares and loves you the way you should be loved. see you for the person from the inside out and see the beautiful person you are. I thought that was him, I thought so many things. But I guess it’s time to move on. Who knows if it’s the right decision, who knows if we are meant to be, if one day we will cross paths and have a fresh start. But all I know is that dating is hard, and finding the one who will be your forever is harder. But you just have to move on and move forward.

Just don’t give up!

-SD xoxo